My Friend Jim

My friend Jim has died, and I want you to know about him. Jim was 84, a recently retired therapist, a man of courage and integrity, kind in every situation in which I ever saw him, a great gardener and cook. He was also radically free, a gay man who came out at a time when it was much more difficult than for many today, and who once told me "It does not occur to me to feel fear."

His public obituary does not mention his sexual orientation, and many of us friends did not find out about his death until a week later, and after the funeral had already taken place.

I know he was well cared for in recent months, but I do not know why the obituary omits some of the most important details of his life; and I do not know why so many of us were not contacted so that we could pay our respects. It's possible that the next of kin simply didn't know how to find us.

But I think there are a couple of really important things to listen to here:

1: Older LGBTQ people may have less connection to their given families, and more to chosen ones; and given families may not have any connection at all to the chosen. Please reach out to your LGBTQ family today, and continue to take steps toward consciously creating a community that will care for each other when health declines, and be visible when the time comes to assist with the journey of dying.

2: Don't wait til health declines to tell people what they really mean to you, ask each other what we need, check in on your neighbors. The path to beloved community begins with beloved community.

Thank you Jim. I'll miss our walks. I'm grateful to have known you

EIGHTEEN FAVORITE FILMS OF 2018, AND OTHER STORIES

MUSIC I KEEP LISTENING TO

THE OLD MAN AND THE GUN

ANNIHILATION

FIRST MAN

SONG SOUNDTRACKS THAT WORK PERFECTLY

ROMA

BAD TIMES AT THE EL ROYALE

BRILLIANT PERFORMANCE, BROKEN MOVIE

Christian Bale (VICE)

Steve Carell (WELCOME TO MARWEN)

The Message Bird in EARLY MAN

BRILLIANT PERFORMANCE, NOT-QUITE-THERE MOVIE

Lucas Hedges in BOY ERASED

DRAMAS ABOUT REAL LIFE THAT ARE AS GOOD AS KRAMER VS KRAMER

COME SUNDAY

WHAT THEY HAD

COMIC DRAMA ABOUT A PERSON WHO PRETENDS TO BE SOMETHING SHE’S NOT IN ORDER TO KEEP A CAREER GOING, THAT’S ALMOST AS GOOD AS TOOTSIE

CAN YOU EVER FORGIVE ME?

MOVIE THAT PRETENDS TO BE ABOUT A HEIST BUT IS REALLY ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS THAT TURNS OUT TO BE BETTER THAN HEAT

WIDOWS

BEST SCENES OF THE YEAR

Driving from inner city to the suburbs, in WIDOWS

I don’t know how to love him, in Spanish, at the La Règle du Jeu Christmas Party, in ROMA

Hugh Grant’s dance number in PADDINGTON 2

CHRISTOPHER ROBIN and Winnie the Pooh walking through a Terrence Malick field

The bracelet and the crater, in FIRST MAN

Vincent and the Priest, in AT ETERNITY’S GATE

TWO COMIC BOOK MOVIES THAT SAY SOMETHING MEANINGFUL ABOUT THE WORLD, STEP AWAY FROM LETHAL VIOLENCE AS THE ONLY SOLUTION, AND WERE SO ENTERTAINING AND WELL PUT-TOGETHER THAT THEY REMINDED ME OF RICHARD DONNER’S SUPERMAN

BLACK PANTHER

AQUAMAN

MORE THAN REWARDING

GREEN BOOK

A STAR IS BORN

PADDINGTON 2

MISSION: IMPOSSIBLE

CHRISTOPHER ROBIN

CRAZY RICH ASIANS

SPIDER-MAN: INTO THE SPIDER-VERSE

DIDN’T GET A LOT OF ATTENTION, BUT REALLY, PLEASE, CONSIDER THESE

KEEP THE CHANGE

THE BOY DOWNSTAIRS

FILMWORKER

SORRY TO BOTHER YOU

PUZZLE

PAPILLON

THE CHILDREN ACT

TALES FROM THE LIFE OF ARMISTEAD MAUPIN

TRIES REALLY HARD BUT HAS A MASSIVE FLAW THAT UNDERMINES EVERYTHING

THE THIRD MURDER - which wants to take crime and punishment seriously, and mercifully, yet depends on vengeance and doesn’t allow for the possibility of healing from/with trauma. Koreeda Hirokazu is probably my favorite director, and it’s a measure of his humanity that I imagine he’d not be offended by this characterization, but be open to the conversation.

BLACKkKLANSMAN - which makes the unfortunate mistake of portraying racism as a working class phenomenon, and suggests nothing has changed since the early ‘70s.

BEST EXPERIENCE IN A THEATRE

RYANS’ DAUGHTER at the Aero in Santa Monica - I was delighted to discover that on the big screen, what I had experienced on TV as a soap opera is actually an opera.

THE PIANO at the QFT in Belfast

HUGE REGRET

A WRINKLE IN TIME - made with heart, but a clear example of the absence of limitations being the death of creativity. Make it smaller next time.

EIGHT GREAT PERFORMANCES

9: Willem Dafoe in AT ETERNITY’S GATE

8: Bryan Cranston in ISLE OF DOGS

7: Hugh Jackman in THE FRONT RUNNER

6: Robert Forster in WHAT THEY HAD

5: Chloe Sevigny in LIZZIE

4: Kristen Stewart in LIZZIE

3: Cynthia Erivo in BAD TIMES AT THE EL ROYALE

2: Rupert Everett in THE HAPPY PRINCE

1: Yalitza Aparicio in ROMA

FULL DISCLOSURE: MOVIES I HAVEN’T SEEN YET WHICH I SUSPECT MAY END UP ON THE REVISED VERSION OF THIS POST

EIGHTH GRADE

BURNING

IF BEALE STREET COULD TALK

PRIVATE LIFE

THE RIDER

MADELINE’S MADELINE

FIRST REFORMED

AND FINALLY, MY EIGHTEEN FAVORITE FILMS OF 2018

18: SHOPLIFTERS

17: THE FAVOURITE

16: THE WIFE

15: FIRST MAN

14: THE GOSPEL OF EUREKA

13: BLAZE

12: ISLE OF DOGS

11: SUMMER IN THE FOREST

10: LEAVE NO TRACE

9: LIZZIE

8: WON’T YOU BE MY NEIGHBOR?

7: ANNIHILATION

6: BAD TIMES AT THE EL ROYALE

5: THE HAPPY PRINCE

4: BLINDSPOTTING

3: COLD WAR

2: AT ETERNITY’S GATE

1: ROMA

"US", "THEM", AND THE END OF VIOLENCE

Two years ago, Brian McLaren sat at our table, and with one simple sentence, changed both our lives:

"You know, we could write a short book about the myth of redemptive violence and how to transcend the destructive stories we're telling in the world."

I responded: "Why, yes, that sounds like a good idea."

But that's not what we did.

Instead, we went on a creative journey together with the extraordinary artist Heather Lynn Harris, and dreamed up two books about "Us", "Them", and the end of violence.

One is a picture book for kids and grown-ups, the other a book of essays.Both are about the six old stories humans have developed to bring peace and security, none of which work; and the seventh story, which starts working the moment you imagine it to be true. You can jump to find out more by clicking here right now.

We call the old stories the domination, revolution, isolation, purification, victimization, and accumulation stories; the seventh is the story of liberation and reconciliation.

The Seventh Story is not a sugar-coated story, although it does bring joy; it's not a religious belief, though it does invite us to experience spirituality and mystery; it faces reality, which means both the worst and the best things that are happening; it's for rich and poor, whole and broken, alienated and integrated, those who might consider themselves veterans of the spiritual journey and work for a fairer world, and those of us just starting out.

We're honestly more satisfied with this work than most anything either of us have written before; and more hopeful that it will help people.

So if you ...
- are tired of fighting, fleeing, or freezing,
- find yourself despairing at the "news" (which should really be called the "olds", given how much history repeats itself);
- sometimes struggle to get out of bed in the morning, and maybe even wonder if your best days are behind you (not to mention the planet's)...

We wrote these books for you. 

And we're writing to ask for your help. We've published the books through The Porch, and want to sell a substantial number of copies in the next week - if we're successful, it will help with our approach to others who might wish to share it in the future, and build a wider audience for what we feel is an important message. You can really help us by doing two things:

1: Order the book for yourself and loved ones. (Click on www.theseventhstory.com) 

2: Tell others! (Just forward this post with a personal note at the top.)

You can only get these books at www.theseventhstory.com - and for every purchase of the beautiful hardcover picture book Cory and the Seventh Storywe're giving away the e-book that outlines the foundational ideas, case studies, and examples of how people can step into The Seventh Story: Us, Them, and the End of Violence. (And we're committed to providing both books in electronic format to anyone who wants one, even if they can't afford to pay for it.) Just click here for more, and thank you.

There is a better story. We're here together to tell it.